Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize