He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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