Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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