A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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