she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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