I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize