If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize