His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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