why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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