i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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