A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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