he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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