I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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