I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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