I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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