Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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