I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize