Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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