i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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