I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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