Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
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Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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