He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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