I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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