I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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