I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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