JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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