Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize