based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think i got beer on your cat.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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