Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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