If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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