That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I cut my penus on the lid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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