I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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