My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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