i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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