got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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