Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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