I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
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