I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize