I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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