I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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