If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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