I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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