I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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