so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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