She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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