it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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