Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I bet he comes in French.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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