So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize