The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize