I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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